Metallica - Some Kind of Monster (2004: Elektra)

Cash grab soundtrack disc,
live tracks stomp studio song
with St. Anger snare.

http://www.metallica.com/index.asp?item=3282

Bolt Thrower - Who Dares Wins (1999: Earache)

Rumble, grumble, bash
of old EPs repackaged;
Surprise! not so caustic.

http://www.boltthrower.com/discography/whodareswins.php

God Dethroned - The Toxic Touch (2006: Metal Blade)

Death merchants chug on
with common melodic crunch.
Admitted soft spot.

http://www.goddethroned.com/gd_discography_2009.html

Keep of Kalessin - Kolussus (2008: Nuclear Blast)

Dark frenetic blurs
with some subtle softness too;
10 minutes too long.

http://www.myspace.com/keepofkalessin

Eldritch - Seeds of Rage (1995: Inside Out)

Prog full of lurching
changes for no rhyme/reason;
some work, many don't.

http://www.eldritchweb.com/Disco.asp

The 69 Eyes - Back in Blood (2009: The End)

Vamp Iggy Pop plus
Love-era Cult, camp, and cheeez;
goth for scaredy cats?

http://www.69eyes.com/discography/

Billy Sheehan - Cosmic Troubadour (2005: Favored Nations)

Ignore vocals and
key in on the bottom end;
bass beast in full force.

http://www.billysheehan.com/news05.html (scroll down past the concert dates)

Yngwie Malmsteen - Angels of Love (2009: Rising Force)

Restrained Yngwie tweaks
ballads as new age friendly;
Pretty, light, subtle even.

http://www.yngwiemalmsteen.com/discography.html

Primordial - The Gathering Wilderness (2005: Metal Blade)

Downtrodden wails
teeter the brink of collapse,
primal pain as art.

http://primordialweb.com/index2.htm

Adorned Brood - Noor (2008: Black Bards Entertainment)

Frustrating record,
too much Beavis screech mars
what could be darn good.

http://www.adornedbrood.de/en/music/

Scuurvy - Across the Seven Seas (2008: self-released)

D-grade Alestorm
loots Running Wild's corpse, matey.
Gimmick should walk plank.

http://www.scuurvy.com/home.html

http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/scuurvy

Doro - Fear No Evil (2009: AFM)

Catchy chorus good.
Repeat chorus each song ad
nauseum? Tiresome.

http://www.doropesch.com/

Stream of Passion - The Flame Within (2009: Napalm)

Normal Napalm fare,
hot gal sings, rock underneath.
Formula followed.

http://www.streamofpassion.com/album_flamewithin.php

Angeles del Infierno (1988: Warner)

Spain's metal hope,
a reason it never broke.
¿Como se dice "meh"?

http://www.angelesdelinfierno.com/es/home.php

Riot - Thundersteel (1988: CBS)

Which aged more, disc
or cover art? Also-rans
solid, dated, fun.

http://markreale.com/ (projects: Riot:scroll down to albums)

Nachtgeschrei - Am Rande der Welt (2009: Massacre)

Who would have thought? A
poor man's Subway to Sally -
a worthy clone too.

http://www.nachtgeschrei.de/musik.php

Death and the Maiden (2008: self-released)

Music school grad plays
Bach through distortion pedals;
guess few future spins.

http://deathandthemaiden.net/

Helloween - Gambling with the Devil (2007: SPV)

tried and true stalwarts -
chops abound, yet little grit;
power metal lite?

http://www.helloween.org/music/albums/2007-gambling-with-the-devil.html

King Diamond - The Eye (1990: Roadrunner)

Opens slow but wins
out in the end; no zenith,
but worth giving spins.

http://www.covenworldwide.org/theeye.php

Megadeth - Endgame (2009: Roadrunner)

Weak links still weak but
glories achieved too; good with
bad epitomized.

http://www.megadeth.com/discography.php?era_id=17

Lita Ford - Wicked Wonderland (2009 - JLRG Ent)

Technology mucks
up mediocrity and

that is being kind.

http://litaxx.tv/lita/

Iron Maiden - Classic Albums DVD: The Number of the Beast (2001: Eagle Eye Media)

Tales of best Maiden
tracks ever, nice seeing Clive Burr.
get those irons up!

http://metal-archives.com/release.php?id=7614

Crematory - Das Deutsche Album (a.k.a. S/T) (1996: Massacre)

Gothrock growing pains;
not quite toothless, but lacks bite.
Find later records.

http://www.crematory.de/e_index.php

My Dying Bride - Meisterwerk I (2000: Peaceville)

Dirge drones lumber as
essence befits the band's name;
savory anguish.

http://www.mydyingbride.org/

Kivimetsän Druidi - Shadowheart (2008: Century Media)

Frenzied folk metal,
more clashing than united;
hate that synth tone too.

http://www.kivimetsandruidi.com/site/

Force of Evil - Black Empire (2005: Escapi)

Mercyful Fate guys
forge groove; vocals not bad but
cheeze lyrics prevail.

http://www.forceofevil.net/

Rotting Christ - Passage to Arcturo (2006: Unruly Sounds - a reissue of 1989: Unisound)

Raw no budget thud,
rudimentary sounds but
fittingly blackened.

http://www.rotting-christ.com/home.php

Danzig - Lost Tracks of Danzig (2007: evillive)

Archive pilfering,
maybe the vault should stay closed;
completionists only.

http://www.danzig-verotik.com/

Terror 2000 - Faster Disaster (2002: Nuclear Blast)

Side project equals
goofing off on label's dime;
band's fun mildly shared.

http://www.terror2000.net/discography.html

Lunatica - New Shores (2009: Napalm)

D-grade musical,
overblown, cloying, and dull;
find something else stat.

http://www.lunatica.ch/v2/english/index.htm

Alestorm - Black Sails at Midnight (2009: Napalm)

Shtick goes just so far
when the goods are lackluster.
Yarrr! Novelty gone.

http://www.myspace.com/alestorm

Grave Digger - Ballads of a Hangman (2009: Napalm)

Uncle Reaper growls

and Manni's riffs rocking strong;

skip the ballads though.

http://www.grave-digger-clan.com/index.php?content=releases&discographyContent=22

Darkwell - Metat[r]on (2004: Napalm)

Opera voice clashes
too many disparate parts;
who mixed this mess?

http://www.metal-archives.com/band.php?id=1459

Jack Russell - For You (2006: Sidewinder - a reissue of 2002: Knight)

Trademark voice, train wreck
songs; though import prices saved,
time spent sadly gone.

http://heavymetaladdiction.com/2006/05/18/album-review-jack-russell-for-you-2002/

Purged - Form of Release (1997: Metal Blade)

Slow for thrash yet of
same mind, ten years tardy;
welcome delete bin.

http://www.metal-archives.com/band.php?id=5555

Deicide - When London Burns (2005: Earache DVD)

Crowd quite quiet for
live concert, bland to me too;
nice bonus clip though.

http://shop.relapse.com/store/product.aspx?ProductID=23074

Twisted Sister - The Video Years (2007: Rhino DVD)

Grumpy Mendoza
plus anthems rekindle youth,
guilty pleasure joy.


http://www.rhino.com/store/productdetail.lasso?number=127868

Starwood: If It Ain't Broke, Break It! (2004, Metal Blade)

Lizzy Borden plays
seventies glam; passable songs,
profit doubtful.



http://www.starwood-band.com/

Welcome to SmokeyB's Haiku Review!

Years ago, I wrote music reviews for the college newspaper, got burnt out by trying to do too many in too short of time, and gave it up accordingly. Recently, I've been getting the urge to rekindle that past passion for expressing my ideas about music (and the occasional dvd). A blog seemed the most appropriate forum, but there are already a gaggle of music reviewing sites/blogs out there; adding one more to the mass/mess seemed a bit superfluous. So I figured I needed a clever angle or unique spin. Being the 80s metal fan I am, I had thought about "retro/active" reviews, listening to the stuff of my teenage years and evaluating it as I would have in 1987 (retro) and in contemporary times (active). My biggest problem there would be that I'd be writing two reviews for every record - fun enough and likely satisfying, but also double work and I'm mindful of not burning out yet again.
In my day job, I have students write papers with a formal word count in mind. Back when doing the newspaper, stuffing all of my brilliant ideas (at least in my mind they were brilliant) into a restrictive word count was remarkably frustrating, but an ultimately empowering task. Still, it made me recognize the power of self-editing and of conscious word choice. Left to my unrestricted devices, I tend towards wanting to address everything (this "welcome to the blog" entry as a case in point). Applying a word count to myself seemed reasonable. Enter the haiku.

Since this is for fun and I'm far from a haiku scholar, expert, poet, or traditionalist, I'm using a very loose interpretation of haiku here: three lines, 14-17 syllables, with a modest attempt at symmetry. Hopefully, I'm clever. Hopefully, I put forth some insight about the records I'm listening to (or videos I'm watching). Hopefully, I peak interest in somebody wanting to hunt down a record or two that they otherwise might not have given a listen (or save the bother for some of the stinkers). And hopefully, this entire endeavor proves satisfying - to me and to whomever happens to stumble upon this parcel of cyberspace. I'll post new haikus when I feel like it, often enough to keep the site lively, but not on any stringently regular schedule so I feel pressured to chuck out reviews disingenuously.

Also, while I did think of doing this independently, I by no means claim to have invented this style of music criticism delivery. A Google search of "haiku music reviews" offers a number of other folks doing similar things with likely far less metal content. I'd encourage folks to check those out as well - just don't let me know how much better they are, ok?